Social Anxiety!

So I guess me writing this thing is becoming a part of my routine again. The idea for this week came to me in the form of my worst nightmare coming true at the grocery store recently.

I stayed up pretty late the night before; probably until around 2am, and this is weird because I tend to fall asleep by 9:30 most days. I woke up in Wallingford around 10 and had the plan to drive home and stop at the store to pick up some frozen fruit to continue making myself smoothies while I try to quit coffee (again). 

With my hair unwashed, wearing the same outfit I always end up wearing to Shop Rite (long grey shirt with some reindeer leggings) I headed out thinking this trip would take 15 minutes tops. And it probably did take about that long, but it felt longer.

Apparently everyone buys groceries on Saturdays, so it took me a minute to find parking. I ended up finding a spot toward the left of the store, and I hate parking there. It's just kind of out of the way and it makes the walk into the store a little longer, and I am lazy. Anyway, I started walking in, thinking of the 5 things I needed, and a man sitting near the door yells out to me. 

"Hey young lady! I like your boots!" And okay, he's not exactly harassing me, he's being nice, so I just say thanks and do a fake laugh as I continue walking in. He says, "You're welcome. Thank you." For what, wearing my boots? But whatever, it's fine, even though I'd rather no one speak to me at the store. The next few minutes are uneventful as I find lettuce and cinnamon Cheerios while avoiding the million shopping carts in every aisle.

But then in the frozen fruit aisle, I see the guy approaching.

I stared intently at the fruit thinking, please don't talk to me, please don't talk to me. But unfortunately he is not psychic and has no idea that I would rather die than talk to him while I'm shopping.

"There's those boots!" I half smile, looking dead in the eyes I'm sure. And then he holds out his hand for a God damn fist bump. I sigh and walk forward and fist bump him, hoping this will satisfy him and I can continue shopping. 

To my delight, it worked. "Stay beautiful young lady!" he yells as he slides away. "Okay..." I tell him.

To some of you, this probably sounds like some friendly grocery store interaction. To me, it's literally the worst thing that could have happened while I was out. I just wanted some frozen berries and cereal, and I had to talk to someone.

Like, okay, I know it's not the end of the world, but this feeling has plagued me my whole life. This feeling is why I would never voluntarily raise my hand in class, and why I still never say hi to people, and why I apologize for literally everything.

I think it's safe to say I have probably started about 5 conversations in my entire life, and the rest I just got lucky enough that someone else is braver than I am. It's probably something to be worked on, but mostly I just walk with my head down and hope no one notices me.

When I have to make a phone call, which is sometimes part of my job, I have to psych myself up about it for 5 minutes first. And then I think about it for 5 minutes after it's done. I still don't want to be the one in a group who has to order the pizza. I mean, I will, because it's pizza, but I don't want to! 

To be fair, I have gotten much better in recent years; I am able to make my own dentist appointments, and I can keep up polite conversation with strangers when I must. But most days, I just have that feeling of no one wants to talk to you!!!!

And I don't mean for this to sound sad, because again this is something to be worked on. I guess all I'm saying is consider this next time you are about to be "such a dad" and talk to some random girl out and about in public. Because I hate it. And now I'm blogging about it. Because I'm a millennial. Yay!

That's about all I have for today. I feel weird sharing it but oh well I already wrote it! I hope everyone is having a nice week; I for sure am with the amazing weather we've been having. Can't wait for it to be this warm all the time.

OK BYE.

Recommended Listening: Love - Lana Del Rey (UMM, just heard this today and I am obsessed)

The Unicorn Dilemma

Surprise! I am updating my blog semi-regularly again. I have been in what one might call a funk, if you will. It's basically been something that seemed to be a one way trip to #BummerCity, but now I am just going to call it a sad vacation, or a sad-cation, because it isn't a permanent thing. I'm not going to pretend for the sake of my 15 readers that I don't expect to take several day trips back there, but I can at least recognize that there are better ways to spend my time that don't include crying during sad songs.

So here we are, blogging again. This is something that has been on my mind a lot lately, though I've been unable to put it into words until now. It's something I am calling The Unicorn Dilemma (oooh, brought that title RIGHT IN).

The Unicorn Dilemma is extremely similar to what I said about Fall and how people are embarrassed to like pumpkin spice. It's this weird thing people do to remove themselves from being girly, even when they are girls. (BUT it's not just ladies who are guilty of this).

EXAMPLE: The Harley Quinn thing. In the months leading up to Halloween following the release of Suicide Squad, everyone started commenting on how many Harley Quinn costumes there were gonna be. I don't really see what is just so awful about this; boys have been dressing up as the Joker every single year for God only knows how long and no one gives a shit. But suddenly when this popular villain shows up on the big screen, everyone's like, "Oh NOOO, everyone is going to want to dress up in this cute, fun, POPULAR costume! We're all gonna die!"

I bet Sean Bean doesn't even give a shit! I've never seen Game of Thrones!!

JUST, let it go. Harley Quinn is cool, she was the best part of that God forsaken movie, and there is no rule that people can't all like the popular thing. There is a reason it is popular!

But Stacie, you ask, why is this called the Unicorn Dilemma? Well, dear reader, I will tell you.

Unicorns are something that are sort of cliche in that all young girls are expected to be obsessed with them, along with glitter and the color pink. Sometimes as a kid I'd hear friends or peers talking shit about those shitty unicorns; instead they liked wearing black and playing with matches! (This sounds like a stretch but I really did have friends who loved playing with fire). Glitter, pink, Barbies, and unicorns aren't cool, they're girly!

Well, being the total follower I am, I agreed. Unicorns were NOT. COOL. Neither was doing homework, or still watching kids movies at age 9 (you wouldn't believe how much shit I got for not having seen Terminator as a child).

This brings us to more recent years, say 2012 for instance. I was at Savers with Susie one day and stumbled upon the single greatest piece of art I have ever seen:

Please enjoy my moody 18 y/o self. I am embarrassed.

This painting made me kind of ironically love unicorns. My love for them was ironic because every "photo" you see is like, weird. Like there is some weird shit going on with that unicorn... (As a side note, I suggest you all read the book Zombies vs Unicorns; that book was my shit in high school). Anyway, that doesn't matter. The point goes beyond unicorns. That painting was my gateway drug; it brought me to the point where I realized I am allowed to like what are called "girly" things!

I hated a certain singer for years because the world told me to! She dated too many boys, and spent too many nights crying on her guitar or something. But then something happened in late 2012. I was shopping at Target for a Halloween costume and saw something next to the check out line. I don't know what possessed me to do it, but I grabbed a copy and bought it.

AND MY LIFE CHANGED FOREVER

By now all of my friends/family know just how much I love Taylor Swift, so can you believe I hated her for so long, and for no reason?

Now that I've come to terms with loving whatever I love, I can't help but notice all the people who act like my past self so often. I just want to tell you it's okay to like things other people don't; like, I genuinely care about this, ya dumbos! For some reason they think girly = undeserving of respect, and that is just about the silliest thing I've ever heard!

All these fuckers who hate Ugg boots and iced coffee and good movies just because they associate them with girls need to take a step back and ask themselves why they hate these things so much. Why have you felt the need to comment so many times on Facebook about leggings as pants? THEY ARE PANTS. 

Girly does not equal bad. The sooner you accept this the better, because then you can get out there and enjoy your life to the fullest. I can't believe how much time I wasted pretending to hate things just because some people deemed them unworthy for me.

That is pretty much all I have for you today. I got up to do things like 6 times while writing this so it kind of got away from me. Hopefully you feel like you got something out of this, even if it was just a laugh at that amazing Terminator gif I found on Google.

Have a great week everyone! 

Recommended Listening: Carly Rae Jepsen - Making the Most of the Night (I know I recommended her last week but her album is still the only thing I've been listening to at work all day SORRY).