MY TEETH ARE IN MY PURSE

GUYS.

Hi, I'm alive! And I'm 24! So much has happened since I last posted (AKA like 2 things, but that is still more things than usual).

6 days ago, I got 2 of my wisdom teeth yanked out of my face! Since they had the X-rays and I had a ride home, they basically confirmed that they were taking care of it that day. The consultation didn't even happen; I just sat in a chair and they proceeded with, you know, some fucked up shit!

I had to rush around that morning at work and try to get as much done as possible, and unfortunately my high stress levels killed my appetite that day. I knew that was bad because based on past teeth-pulling experiences I knew I would not be eating normally again for at least a few days. I made myself eat a donut but unfortunately that's all I could handle.

Around 1 I left work and met my younger sister Sarah at my mom's house so she could drive me. I actually asked them on the phone the day before if I could drive myself and they said yes, but I know deep down I'm a big baby so luckily for me, Sarah was around to be my driver for the afternoon.

The place was like 10 minutes away next to Kohls, and I so wished we were about to go shopping there for some overpriced cardigans instead of the reality, which was me entering the scary brick building and riding an old tiny elevator up to the second floor.

The rest was sort of a blur. They talked with me about how nervous I was and that I shouldn't be (thanks, now I feel better!) and had me read through something that listed all the worst case scenarios and then just got right to it.

They had a spray to numb my mouth so the shot wouldn't hurt, which was kind of awesome. The shot still hurt a tiny bit but I was like WHATEVER, LET'S DO IT. #adrenaline #stillscared

Actually getting the teeth pulled didn't hurt at all. You can hear some pretty awful sounds as your tooth is being ripped from your skull, and that is definitely freaky but deep down I was like just get it done already! He did sort of have a hard time getting the right one to come out, and I kept holding my breath only to be scolded by one of the ladies for doing so. (She was helping, but also I was like get outta here, lady, I'm DYING).

Toward the end, as the guy wiggled my tooth in an effort to free it from my face, the same lady told me she loved my necklace. I hope no one noticed, but I gave a small thumbs up in response, though I was mostly focused on the HORROR happening in my mouth.

And then it was done. Literally, this entire thing took 5 minutes. That is not an exaggeration. He stuck some stuff in my mouth (some medicine crap, and a shit ton of gauze) and they sent me on my way. They repeatedly told me not to use a straw or to rinse too hard, as if I hadn't already googled this 18 times that day. I was over the moon; I legit felt lighter. This thing I had been worried about for so long was just suddenly over!

As the title suggests, they offered me my nasty teeth, and I accepted, and placed them in my purse. I suppose if you're dying to see a photo of these monsters, you can here. *Fair warning, they're fuckin teeth. They're gross. Don't get mad at me for how yucky they are or I will turn them into a necklace and send it to your house.* I also took the time to take a selfie to let my siblings know that I had survived the ordeal:

 

When we got back to my mom's, I took 3 ibuprofen as suggested, and waited for Adam to show up to cart me back to Wallingford where I could heal in peace.

I was feeling kind of shitty by then, though my mouth didn't hurt too bad, and miraculously it wasn't bleeding for hours like I expected it to! I felt kind of sore and tired, likely from being stressed for days beforehand, but now that it was over I could finally just chill out a little bit.

Adam downloaded all the episodes of One Tree Hill for me, so I let him pick randomly and tried to enjoy it. I wasn't allowed to rinse my mouth or brush my teeth that day so I tried to ignore that discomfort by drowning in the drama of Lucas and Peyton.

Because I was out for so long, I actually managed to watch season 4 of One Tree Hill in its entirety. Adam begrudgingly watched - even when he was on the computer he was still half paying attention to my dumb show. He even admitted to me yesterday that he just can't stop thinking about Dan Scott.

I had taken Wednesday and Thursday off as a precaution but actually assumed I'd feel okay enough to go to work on Thursday. Turns out I'm dumb and felt shitty all the way up until Sunday! Between not eating enough food (liquid tomato soup can only take you so far) and feeling like my face was being hit with hammers from the inside out, I felt like I couldn't do anything. I couldn't even sleep!!

I spent the first 2 days crying over dumb things because I was hungry and tired. Adam giving me a pink Orchid and moving it to a cute pot? Crying. Adam and his mom making me soup? Crying. Adam changing his plans to accommodate me calling out an extra day? CRYING.

I was a mess! The few times I left bed were to rinse my mouth out and imagine the holes that were there, and then fight the feeling of being about to faint until I got back under a blanket and away from the cruel, toothless world. And for about 10 minutes I ventured outside with Adam to pet Duncan and see sunlight that wasn't being filtered through a window.

BABY!!!!!

I didn't want to let this whole thing ruin my birthday (hey, it's the second thing that happened: I turned 24!), but to be honest it kind of did. My fears of an infection (or worse)

led to me feeling anxious about the things that could go wrong, and made it difficult to enjoy pizza. (Don't get me wrong, I still ate like 5 pieces; it was just really hard).

Today, though, I am feeling better. I'm not eating like a normal person yet, but I'm getting there. Pretty soon I will be eating pretzels again and not worrying about what's going on in the back of my dumb mouth. And in about 2 weeks, I will finally be starting on my Invisalign journey once again!

I've fallen out of the Invisalign habits that I had formed before; it'll definitely be hard having to brush my teeth at work again. But at the same time I am just so ready! For real this time, in about a year or so (we'll see how many trays they give me), my teeth will be straight and I won't have anything to blog about again! Ahh!!

The worst is behind me and I couldn't be happier. I'm ready to deal with the pain (literally) of wearing braces again, and I'm sure I will update once I know more about how long it'll take and all that jazz.

Until then, I am ready to get spooky for Halloween, and to enjoy "making up" for all the calories I missed last week via the Twix and Oreos I got for my birthday. 

I hope everyone is having a good...uhh...month, and Halloween, and all that! Pet your kitties and tell them I love them, things are looking up from here!

Recommended Listening: Number One - Tove Styrke

PS. I suppose I should acknowledge the fact that I only used One Tree Hill gifs. I'm not going to explain; I just wanted to acknowledge it. Thanks.

Let the Pity Party Commence!

Hey.

So if you read my last post (hi mom, hi dad!) then you know that my braces stopped fitting my teeth correctly last month. And I wrote on and on about how it had been the worst few days ever and I was so upset...and then it was all fine in the end and totally normal.

W E L L.

Since then some real bad shit has gone down; I have had what I would call the worst week and a half...of the year? Definitely not of my life, but pretty close, like top 5 (bottom 5?) worst bunch of days. 

Okay, maybe I'm being a little bit dramatic, but it was still not a good week by any means.

Once my teeth were scanned and sent off to whoever they get sent off to, I figured all I had to do next was wait. I had a tentative appointment set up for October 5, which was iffy only because sometimes the orthodontist and the people at Invisalign go back and forth on what is the best treatment option for like, 100 years.

So last Tuesday I got a call from the orthodontist, and I thought, great! They must be done early so I can start sooner than I thought!

My dreams were soon crushed as I called back and heard the words I thought I'd never have to hear...again. 

Ortho: Hey, so, you might remember last year we were considering pulling those 2 teeth at the top?
Me: Uhuhh.
Ortho: So I was thinking you could come in and look at what we're thinking. We think we want to extract those to make room after all.
Me: ...
Ortho: I can tell you're not exactly doing cartwheels over there.

AND HE WAS RIGHT. I mean, I guess you could say my emotions were doing cartwheels. I got a little teary eyed and agreed to go see what was up. At that point I assumed there was going to be another, maybe more difficult, option, so I wasn't completely devastated. I did manage to lose a ton of sleep over it, but otherwise felt okay...ish.

Next day I showed up and they showed me the new treatment plan they were thinking of going with. It involved pulling 2 teeth (one on each side) near the front of my mouth - the ones right behind the 2 that stick out the most, right before my molars. Eeeek.

Option 2 was getting my top 2 wisdom teeth taken out, but somehow I'm left with a weird overbite at the end. GREAT.

Neither seemed okay, but they didn't give me any other options. I left the office promising I'd think about it while holding back tears like no tomorrow! Once I got in the car, all hell broke loose!

Not to be dramatic, but that right there started one of the worst days I've had in a while. I had to sit in my car and cry for a full 20 minutes before I pulled myself together enough to go back to work after lunch. I even called back that afternoon to again ask if there was any other way, and was told it's just not gonna work. My dumb mouth is too small and filled with teeth and the old plan just isn't going to get us results. PLUS that night I read that Fixer Upper is ending after the next season. CHIP AND JOANNA HAVE FAILED ME.

So today I called them and officially made my decision: I am getting my top 2 wisdom teeth taken out. As I write this I feel a weird acceptance about it, even though I admittedly cried about it 4 times today since making the call. All I knew was I didn't want to be missing 2 front teeth for 6 months, and to me it's way more normal to get rid of wisdom teeth anyway. 

I found some oral surgeon near-ish to work to get it done and booked all the appointments I needed to, and now I must wait. I was going to make them wait until November, but I was told if the consult goes well and it looks easy enough to get done without knocking me out (fingers crossed!) then they might just take care of it at the consultation appointment. Gawd. I'm gonna die.

So that might happen...4 days before my birthday. Ending 23 with a bang - and some bleeding gums.

I'm mostly okay with it, at least until I think about the reality that will be me laying in bed for 24 hours and feeling sorry for myself. I did make my boyfriend download all 9 seasons of One Tree Hill, so at least I'll be able to cry while watching some teens play basketball and like, get married at 16 years old.

I know I'll be happy I did it in the end, but this particular bump in the road has been difficult to get over. Teeth gross me the hell out and the thought of driving myself to some strange office and letting someone take 2 of them out makes my skin crawl. Freaks!!

I guess that's all I have to say about it for now. I am absolutely 100% dreading this, but at the same time I can't wait for it to be over. I imagine I'll update again once this horror is behind me, so, see ya when I'm 24!

Recommended Listening: I Will Follow You Into the Dark - Death Cab for Cutie (aka my self pity song this week!)

Feelin' (re)FINE(ments)

Hey!

Let's skip the part where I apologize about never updating when I say I will and get right to it:

I DONE GOOFED UP.

Actually, this doesn't appear to be my fault, but actually a computer's! So, if anyone was worried about robots taking over the world, you can relax; they also make mistakes!

Basically about 2 weeks ago I went to put on tray #32 and noticed some significant gaps between my teeth and the edges of the trays; it made my teeth look a lot longer than they actually were. Cut to me losing my god damn mind. I FUCKED UP. I'm spending a gazillion dollars on this thing and I ruined it!

I stared at my teeth in the mirror and cried and moped for the entire night. And of course I googled it immediately. I was convinced that somehow I, a person who is so committed to this process that I have sacrificed delicious snacks to wearing my braces just a little bit longer, did not wear my trays enough and that's why suddenly they weren't fitting. A simple mistake I made maybe 2 weeks before probably led to that night and me being the ACTUAL. WORST. PERSON. ALIVE.

dasiohdoashdahdsahdfjkdf

Of course that is not true, and I realize that now, but 2 weeks ago I was inconsolable. The next day I called the orthodontist literally 7 times before I finally got answers. They just so happened to be available during my lunch break so I drove on over to show them what I had done.

One look and they confirmed my worst fears in that moment: this can't be fixed. You can't go backwards on your trays and hope for the best! Fortunately she also told me that sometimes the computer/scanner thing just doesn't pick the best plan for how your teeth will actually move. Whew! I do remember ages ago they mentioned everyone gets refinements at some point; I just got mine a little earlier than we were expecting.

From there they scheduled another appointment, which I went to last week, to scan my teeth again and send them to the Invisalign gods to make me some new trays. The scan was somehow worse than the first time, and took about 600 years. 

They also used some sort of air/drill thing (I literally can't remember what they said it was) to shave down my front teeth. I guess they had gotten worn down sort of diagonally since they were always crooked, so they evened them out a little. I literally had a secret anxiety attack during which my hands went numb because I was so scared that I now had "rabbit teeth" but everyone swears they don't even see a difference.

There was one good thing to come of this whole mess which is they took all the plastic attachments off my teeth since the new trays will likely need different attachments anyway. I feel so free! I only have to wear the last tray that (sort of) fit at night to make sure nothing moves back to the way it was, but otherwise you can find me snacking away any time at work this month.

The snacking thing probably isn't the best since now there is nothing to stop me from eating an entire container of mini Oreos at 3pm, but since it's only for a month I think I can get away with it.

So now I must wait until October 5 to get my new trays and continue this long-ass journey. I'm hoping there are still only 12ish trays since that's what I had left when this all started. I'd love to be done by 2018...even though I will have significantly less to write about then!

I guess that's it for now! I do have some big life stuff happening outside of braces but I feel like that deserves its own well thought out post. It's gonna need a looooot of editing before I can share it with the world. Ooooh, mystery~~~~~

(spoiler alert)

Anyway...I hope everyone had a gr8 summer and is ready for some FALL SHIT. Personally, I've never been more ready for anything in my life.

Recommended Listening: T R N T - Andrew Belle - This has become pretty much the only song I listen to oooooops

1 Year/CVS (Crazy, Very Scary)

Hey guys!

Since at some point almost every morning I check Facebook's "On This Day", I noticed that just about a year ago I started this whole insane Invisalign process! Time really does fly...even though I'm not really having that much fun (ha ha ha).

I recently started wearing my trays for 1 week at a time instead of 10 days; it's hard to believe I ever had to wear them for 2 weeks each! I will admit it's been significantly more painful to switch to a new pair since I've had less time to adjust, but if it means being done by Christmas then I'll take it.

Currently we're at tray #28, so about 1 or 2 trays ago the moment I've been waiting for finally began - those top 2 stick-y out-y monsters started moving! WHAAaAAaAaAAt!!!

Today when I took my braces off to have a coffee, I smiled at my reflection for a minute, and really could see a slight difference already. The true test will be when I see my siblings later; if they notice then I think soon everyone will, too. If not, it's not the end of the world since I'll only make more progress from here, but I am still hoping someone does notice... I'm going through a lot of pain for this, guys!!

Other than that not too much has changed in my life. If anything I have felt kind of stuck, hence me not updating this for 2 months. There are only so many times I can talk about how nothing happens in my life so I don't know what to write about most of the time.

I am working on figuring it out, though - this creative block I've had for the better part of 6 months. Part of it is that weird anxiety about not being good enough, and not knowing how to start when you have a blank page waiting for you. Another part is my actual life-anxiety, which unfortunately caused me to dread a trip to CVS yesterday. (Which I did survive, and here I am, trying to recall what was so scary about dropping off a prescription).

If this summer has had any sort of theme I'd say it is ~self discovery~, because I am really getting sick of being afraid to do basic things (ie. saying good morning to coworkers, or going grocery shopping by myself - I know, I must be really fun at parties!!). It really is tiresome to be afraid of literally everything, so I am taking steps toward...not...being...so nervous.

Honestly part of that process is being honest with my 15~ readers. So hey guys! I've totally joked about it before but I am truly an anxious mess!!  

It really will be okay, I think, because like I said I am working on it! At this rate it may take, oh, I don't know, 30 years, but eventually I will at least sort of get there. 

I just had to text my siblings to be reassured that it wouldn't be weird to share this...on my personal blog in which I have 100% control over what I share (!!!). I mostly don't want to be a bummer, though right now I am actually feeling pretty great and only 10% anxious as opposed to like 90%.

JK, it's 11am

I've decided I'm going to try really hard to enjoy the last bit of summer. We are going on another little trip to Cape Cod soon and I am hoping to avoid any secret feelings of anxiety while out and about! I know things are happening in the world outside of my room with my cat and my Netflix, so I'm going to try to get out in it a little bit more.

Now that I've opened this particular door, I imagine my ridiculous anxieties may come up again in the future, so hopefully at least some of you can get something out of this!! I think I will wrap this up before I get too embarrassed to click publish.

In other news I have been watching the Netflix show GLOW this week and it is the best thing I've ever seen. Please watch it.

Alright, I hope everyone has been having a nice summer and all that. I'm going to try to update a bit more frequently, because blogging is actually a lot less scary once I actually do it. Perhaps I'll write about my super-awesome-fun Cape Cod trip or something. (Now that I've put that out in the universe it will be super!!)

OK BYE.

Recommended Listening: Wishing Well - The Oh Hellos (best to listen to while driving into a sunset, you're welcome!)

Whoaaa (We're Halfway There!)

Hey! Hey! Hey!

Once again it has been a while, but I figured today is a good time to give you all a little update.

As of June 4th, I am officially halfway through my Invisalign! WOO! To celebrate, I took a selfie and I am actually smiling (2 very unusual things). 

who is she???

I'm actually legitimately so excited. I do still think most people that aren't me or my mom can't tell that much has happened, but we will get there! Here is a before and after that doesn't involve my sub par selfies!

BEFORE (Tray 1)

BEFORE

HALFWAY (Tray 21)

HALFWAY 

Again, you may not notice a huge difference, but I feel like my whole life has changed because of this. I don't even know how to explain that except I think I just feel better about my teeth in general, so I really can't wait to see the end results. Like, literally, I cannot wait!

I feel like everything just suddenly sped up, which to be fair it kind of did. I now wear each tray for 10 days at a time instead of 14. It doesn't seem like it'd make a huge difference but I feel like time is just flying by.

I also met the other orthodontist at my last appointment, and he joked that yes, he does actually exist! He explained that once I'm done with my 42 trays I will get refinements (everybody does). So they will scan my teeth again and have a few more trays made to get it just right. AND he said they could shave down my teeth (or something like that??) to make the pointy stick-y out-y ones less fang-like, which I have been obsessively worried about since I started, so that was great news.

I also took this photo at the office for Red Nose Day and completely forgot to post it on their Facebook; I'm kind of the worst.

This has become such a normal part of my life I keep wondering what it will be like when I'm truly done. I will definitely stop brushing my teeth in the work bathroom, but I think I might continue at least flossing after every meal. I can't believe I finally formed that habit! Go me!

In other news I have been contemplating buying an exercise bike and figuring out an at-home exercise routine because I hate going to the gym so much. I don't even hate exercising!! Driving to a stinky gym filled with stinky strangers using all the treadmills after a long day of work just isn't my thing. So maybe someday I will actually get abs.

I did actually eat buffalo mac and cheese at Buffalo Wild Wings yesterday and it was literally 1300 calories so that probably didn't help me on my journey, but I have started to eat salads more often so I haven't completely lost hope! I'm hoping with the summer comes some new inspiration to like, get healthy, and also learn to take better care of my hair (once it grows back after my awful haircut, anyway).

Well, I think I am all out of updates for now. I am trying to get myself back into drawing regularly, so I think I am going to work on that for a while today. Until next time (which hopefully won't be too far away!).

Recommended Listening: Cut to the Feeling - Carly Rae Jepsen (I mean, what else would it be, right?)

To Make You Feel Better

You know when you're having a bad day, and you just need to complain to whoever will listen? (Hello, blog). But then that person goes on and tries to give you a life lesson, and you're like, look, I just wanted to complain about my horrible life, not get advice on how to fix it, GOD.

STOP HELPING ME

Or maybe that's just me.

Let's be real though; literally everyone at some point in their life has heard the world's most annoying cliche- that everything happens for a reason. I am on the fence about that one. I used to struggle with it, even as recently as a few years ago, when my life was actually pretty damn hard! I couldn't understand why I had to go through half the things I did. It also probably didn't help that I was a super angsty teen, but even now, I can see reasons why my struggles have helped me or pushed me in a new direction that I never imagined going.

I do wonder if that's just something we do as humans, though. Maybe we just look for reasons in everything because otherwise we'd realize life is pointless. 

Now don't get me wrong; I don't think it's pointless in the sense that we should all just lay down and die. I do think it's just pointless enough that I should be allowed to eat a donut every day of my life. They are delicious, and if you try telling me eating a spoonful of granola and like, a hard boiled egg, every morning is a great way to start the day I will tell you right now: you are WRONG.

I'm sure sometimes people just recite some old cliche to you because they don't know what to say, and they want to make you feel better. I totally get it; I've never been very good at such things. If you know me well, you probably also know how often I respond to bad things with a simple, "that sucks" before moving on to a dumb joke. 

This way of thinking about life has made me highly suspicious of other weird things people tell you about bad things happening to you.

"Oh, a bird pooped on your head? That's good luck!" Is it, Debra? Or are you just trying to make it seem like the shittiest thing ever didn't just happen. What next? Are you going to tell me the stink bug buzzing threateningly around my room means I'm destined to be rich and famous? Please. Sometimes bad things are just bad.

But then again, if the worst thing that happens to you on any given day is getting shit on by a bird, I guess you should consider yourself lucky.

Recommended Listening: Sign of the Times - Harry Styles (YAS it's amazing)

(Sp)ring-worm

HEY EVERYONE. Happy spring/April Fool's day. While there is not much celebrating going on here, there has been a lot of quiet reflection over the past 36 hours or so.

Let me start by acknowledging that I totally didn't start updating here regularly. My life is rarely interesting enough to be written about and I have been lacking ideas. However sometimes something so horrible and bizarre happens to you and then at the very least you have inspiration to write a blog post on a Saturday night. (And here we are!)

It all started a month or 2 ago when I noticed my elbows were looking a bit more horrible than usual. I mean, they're always dry and gross, especially in the winter, but this was like, oh man, what vitamins do I need to start taking and how much water should I be drinking?
I started putting lotion on them daily, because again they were just much worse than I was used to. Shit looked WEIRD after a while so I stopped with the every day thing.

Then about 4 days ago I was talking with a friend who mentioned they caught something called Ringworm from work, and immediately I was super grossed out because, yes, I thought that had something to do with an actual worm.

After having this condition explained to me (it's literally just a circular rash caused by...fungus) and googling some photos I realized...I think that's what's wrong with my elbows!

I mostly wasn't sure and went to work the next day only slightly worried about it. Then I noticed my other elbow was starting to look horrible. Eventually I convinced myself the entirety of my arms was itchy and decided I'd better go to the CVS Minute Clinic nearby and figure this shit out once and for all.

After about 2 seconds the doctor was like, "Oh yeah that's ringworm" and I literally said "Eeeeweweeweweweewww" in response. She then let me know it's super easy to get rid of, go buy this lotion in the athlete's foot section (as if this wasn't bad enough) and put it on twice a day for like 2 weeks. I then paid $13 for a bottle the size of some chap stick.

This is where the real problem started. I used it 3 times, twice on Thursday, and woke up Friday feeling super weird. My ears were hot and itchy and eventually so were my face and neck. I called my mom because I cannot always be America's #1 grown-up, and she said I should probably go back to the doctor.

They were very sympathetic and could really only feel bad for prescribing something I am allergic to, so there wasn't much to be done about it. She recommended a different lotion for my elbows, and some allergy meds for my super red/swollen face.

I'd never taken such a thing before, but I decided to risk it and take some at work. It mostly went fine, besides the fact that I got super tired and wanted to cry because I was awake and working instead of sleeping. At some point I decided I had to just go work from home so I could at least cry in peace, which, by the way, I didn't actually end up doing until after 5, woohoo!

The allergy meds really only stopped my face from being so itchy, which was a huge bummer. I watched a few episodes of the show I love to hate, Flip or Flop. Somewhere during Tarek and Christina's millionth house flip, I was suddenly starving. I ate a large bowl of salad and then some pasta, and it was GLORIOUS. Adam also made me eat a clove of garlic, which is still grossing me out 24 hours later UGH.

Unfortunately the night took a turn for the worst and I ended the record breaking 11.5 years of avoiding the absolute worst thing in life: throwing up. I will spare you the details of course, because, ew, but I will say it was so sad and ridiculous.

I showered and decided to try putting some aloe on my face in hopes of making it feel slightly better. I guess I am more of a wimp than anyone could have guessed, because after about 30 seconds of doing this and sort of feeling better I suddenly felt like I might fall on the floor and die. And then it happened.

So that was pretty much the worst of it! Today I still got up and went to get my hair dyed more blonde (and it's amazing) and ate a delicious bagel for breakfast. And I'm still alive! My face is still swollen and sad looking but I feel like I will be okay soon enough. I did see on Google that symptoms can last up to 2 weeks but I'm trying to ignore that and assume it will be better by Monday morning.

I suppose I did want 2017 to be a year of new experiences, though I'm not sure I would've put having an allergic reaction on that list. At the moment I have forgotten what it feels like to have a normal face, kind of like when you have a cold and forget what it's like to breathe through your nose. I am looking forward to warmer weather and feeling better, so bring it on April.

I hope everyone had a wonderful March, even without this amazing blog to get you through it. I'm off to take a second nap, because 1 is never enough!

BYE.

Recommended Listening: Runaway - Matt Corby